'Bod got yo' Back' Syndrome

There is something about coming off a crunch time stretch that causes everything in life to suddenly become light and relaxed.  At the end of every stressful period of life I seem to get sick.  I know my health habits are not prime during these times and light sleep and stress don't help.  But at the same time there is another affect called Bod's Got your Back syndrome.

Quick background on BGB syndrome.  Every single one of us has our mind, who calls the shots, and our body which for the most part goes along.  No secret.  The cliche 'Mind over matter' acknowledges this distinction.  Rather than putting the two at odds, one over the other that is, the smarter approach is to have the mind in sync with the body.  The two recognize the other's needs and give and take.  For example some days I go out and trying to keep up my gagillion miles a minute, (A gagillion is a feeling more than a number, and it is often a lot until you actually quantify it.  Like if I ate a gagillion donuts I probably had like 3 and ripped off the corner of a fourth that looked good.) and my head just gets stuck in a fog and I feel like my eyes are going to burst and after several minutes of trying to plow through it I just go home to watch Modern Family or some other simple carb show (Quickly consumption and effect).  After that I feel fine, go work out, play games, and maybe even go back to work.  I'm not really sick but my body throws in some symptoms because it knows I need a break.  I need to take things lighter and relax by body convinces my brain it is sick so that it can partake in frivolity guilt free, and then my body lays off once the need is satisfied.  In short, 'Bod got my back'.  It would be deceptive, except the brain totally goes along with it.  It is like when you talk a teacher out of an assignment they didn't want to grade anyway.

 Anyways the last couple of days had 'Bod's got my back'... So here are the results, enjoy.

I found a dog today.  It was so much fun.  I wish I could have dog  in our apartment.  I was walking home and saw Andrew walking the other way with a dog following him. I started petting her and playing with her and before I knew it I was the only one around with a big unknown Bernese Mountain Puppy looking super happy that she finally had someone's attention.  Fortunately she had a tag and if it weren't for the shedding I probably would've kept her for most of the day, scared the owners into keeping better track of her, and maybe gotten a reward for it.  I perhaps could have staged a dognapping ransom.  If I ever become desperate I'm probably going to steal rich people's pets and ransom them back.  I figure that the cops have better things to do than track a pet thief, and the pets won't resist in most cases.  But I got a hold of the owner and the owner came and picked her up.  Such is often the case with cute girls, easy come easy go.  

Next random event.  I went to go get ice cream yesterday and as I was buying the ice cream I realized that I was too thirsty to fully appreciate the ice cream, but the cougar eat has decided that all water cups will be Styrofoam.  For those who don't know Styrofoam never degrades, ever.  I politely decline the Styrofoam, and ask for a plastic cup pointing to the ones in the back, but apparently those are reserved for donut holes and are too expensive to be handed out as water cups.  The man behind me comments, 'You must be from Portland' which incites a 'Deeeaaar!' from his wife (As if that was a bad thing).  I turn and say 'Actually, yeah.  I am from Portland'.  The husband gives a triumphant, 'See!'.  Apparently Styrofoam is toxic to relationships as well.

Finally I'll leave this post on the same way that work ended yesterday, one last random event.  As we were finishing up the last few questions in the TA lab, one student was trying to squeeze in one last question before we left.  Usually that is a little annoying but this one was worth answering.

Luke: So I think you have it, good job.   What is your name?

Nick: Nick and you?

Luke: Luke.  Well have a good rest of the night.

Nick:  Thanks.  Wait a second...  (You ready for this?  It's going to be good...)

What is your favorite Star Wars character?

Often life requires hard work and deep thought, and on the whole a life needs focus and direction.  But sometimes we just need to stop, slow down and ask ourselves who our favorite Star Wars Character is.  Peace Love and Yoda.

That whole sample thing

After a crazy week of highs and lows all I can do is exhale and recap.

The start of this week found me in such a furor that I felt unable to even think straight.  Sunday I quietly held a special fast for myself and the research project.  I needed to prepare a sample of LaCaMnO3.  Never heard of it? That's fine.  I could try to explain its use and why it is important to our research but I often bore myself in the process.  The crux of the problem though is that the sample was needed in order to conduct neutron diffraction studies at Oak Ridge National Lab in Tennessee.  No sample no experiment.

This may seem like a trivial thing in life's grand scheme.  Okay rather it is a trivial thing in life's grand scheme.  That consciousness of the tiny nature of the source of my panic made me feel ridiculous but didn't help the stress.  There are so many struggles in this life that I felt like not even a blip on the world's tragic landscape.  I felt so selfish being so upset about an inanimate chemical sample that I couldn't produce, while others flirt with human catastrophe everyday.  But my idealistic id combined with my unrelenting ego overwhelming my thoughts with such inconsequential mundane trials.  AKA I was panicked like no other

True this experiment was important for my future studies and could affect where I go to graduate school and I had put a lot of time and effort, especially recently into this work, and a handful of people were counting on me to get the work done, yet the stress was mostly selfish.  I wish I could be so stirred by the injustice of certain groups, or the plights of the poor, or the greatness of a noble cause.  But no, it was a small personal struggle that shook my soul.

Monday was awful as my stress spread from my psyche to my physical.  My stomach twisted in a knot as if I had swallowed  a razor.  I was unable to think or even rationally evaluate what steps I should take.  I figured I needed to reach out to others if I was going to the piece together the sharp contrasting bursts of my mind between what I had to do and could do into a coherent plan.  I sent out a text message to those with whom I had I talked to about the problem, or those who simply jumped out to me as caring, as I went through the contacts list.  After sending out the text positive responses trickled in.  Though I still felt like I was falling I was comforted.  Regardless of how far the fall took me there was a safety net laid out by wonderful people ready to respond to my individualistic needs.  The task was still large as but I felt prepared to take it on, even ready to fail.

My work continued forward to Wednesday when I tested a sample I had previously prepared.  I had changed up the technique and used some new equipment that I thought would make a difference.  To my chagrin the XRD (X-Ray diffraction) data came in revealing impurities.  How XRD works is that a graph is taken relating the position of a collecting instrument to the intensity collected.  Certain structures give readings at certain points so given the resulting XRD data one can determine the structure.  Imagine my disappointment when certain readings popped up which revealed a significant contamination had occurred in my sample.  I had done everything I could but still...

That night was dark for me.  I was alone on the project and in my mind as well.  I went to ward temple night but as I arrived a little ahead of schedule I opted to go alone.  I wanted to be alone.  I needed to be alone and at peace with myself regardless of what would come.  Still later that night, a few friends once again gave the lift I needed.  From my own room (Mitch's "I didn't think you would be in bed, this is awkward"), to France (Bouba's concern about me saying I wanted to run away to a Thai monastery and watch peacefully watch monkeys) people had my back.

Friday was spent trying to identify the contamination.  This simply the most recent problem among destroyed crucibles, melted furnace insulation, leaky mills, stubborn presses.  In short all phases of the chemical preparation, namely synthesizing grinding, pelletizing, identification, and cooking, had failed at one point or another, and never at the same time.  As I re-examined the pattern though, despite the obvious contamination, I felt a feeling of optimism towards this particular sample.  I don't know why.  Using database patterns I was unable to determine what was the problem though and thus helpless to fixing it.  I even made our XRD specialist come in despite her hour and a half commute.  I was desperate and, bless her heart, she was willing.  She found nothing more than I did.  I stuck the sample in the furnace and let it heat again thinking that I could continue the process and identify other problems to solve on this already tainted work.  Otherwise I had nothing else to do but start over and wait as time dwindled.  I did some practical work in the lab, went home, had dinner and then went back to campus.  On the way to campus I heard a homemade version of "Not Over You" being belted out from the third floor of Jamestown.  I went up for a quick visit with Brantly, Mike, Mitch, and Nich (Listed alphabetically).  I smiled as then sung, briefly losing myself in the moment before I headed out.  Leaving, Mitch yelled to me.  "Hey E! I feel like this will be the time, and you owe me 13 cents if it is."  I smiled and thanked him for his encouragement knowing that he had no idea what he was talking about and the chances were next to none that he would be right.  The only sample I had was contaminated and matter just doesn't disappear.

Retrieving the contaminated sample from the oven I did an XRD test.  As the results came in I watched.  At the first point of contamination I was looking for an intensity spike on the instrument, but nothing came.  I watched in disbelief as each point that had previously shown failure came through clean.  Not only that but the data coming in indicated a sample more pure and resolute than I had ever before produced.  The higher temperature (1400C as opposed to 1050C) to which it had be raised had somehow burned off of the contaminate and grown the sample particles to their appropriate size.

I had done that before but for some reason it worked.  I tried to replicate with lower quality results.  My research adviser always asks me why I think things happened.  If he does this time I will answer, "Well it's not scientific but a heckuvalot of prayer went into this batch." It really is a miracle, perhaps not as flashy as water to wine but perfectly tailored to my needs.

The timing was also for my own good as well.  A cynic might ask why it couldn't have just worked the first time.  But for every blundering error I made or equipment failure or even just when the stress started to boil over, I saw the cracks in my attempt to live a Christ like life.  Anger towards situations and even, irrationally, towards people bubbled up in mind.  As I checked the negativity, I feel like I cemented in the cracks in my character and was able to stand a little taller.  After a semester that was spent more often on cruise control than anything else, I grew in the last three weeks more than I had in the last six months.
I told a friend early in the day Friday before getting successful results that night, that I felt like the only thing to change positively in a crucible was me.  (I also said told a friend that the prayers were helping me to react well to the situation.  Wordplay is so much fun) I think the situation was allowed to go to the point where I was okay with failure and would accept whichever way the wind blew.  Not to say that things will always break that way, as I said earlier there are much greater tragedies in life that are not averted.  For some reason Heavenly Father decided to take control in this one and all I can do is be grateful for it.  That and continue to be the better person this allowed me to become.  Thanks to everyone who was there for me and until next time, Peace Love and Lanthanum Calcium Manganese Oxide.