Government Labs

                There are certain truths that hold throughout the eternities, they are related to the gospel.  Then there are lesser truths that only hold in this life, they are related to government.  Taxes, inefficiency, and indifference.  Alright I may be a little harsh.

                This last week I went to Oak Ridge National Lab to conduct a diffraction experiment.  I have never done anything that was so simultaneously exciting and boring.  I stood literally fifty meters from a proton beam that collided with mercury in order to cause a nuclear reaction releasing neutrons.  Then the neutrons travelled down a corridor and collided with a sample that I personally made and depending on how the neutron beam diffracted we could determine where atoms were in a sample.  This is all really cool except that I spent nearly the whole time sitting in a relatively uncomfortable chair looking at a computer screen and not understanding most of what was said or decided between my research professor and the beam scientists.  I met some nice people though, got a better understanding of what I want to do for a career, and mostly just got a neat opportunity to travel and see new things.

               There are layers and layers of bureaucracy and I can say with confidence that I don’t want to work in national laboratory.  The tip of the bureaucratic iceberg that I had to deal with was all the safety training we had to go through.  In march I was sent a series of training videos and instructions on how to not go into dangerous areas and how to deal with emergency situations at the ORNL.  A brief summary is as such:  We have done a really good job of idiot proofing this place, and you shouldn't be able to accidentally screw this up.  If you do however, remember to report this to one of the many acronymed organizations we have set up in order to respond to your slip-up.  If memory serves, I was to report to DMC if I messed up, who was in charge of making sure the SEC didn't run afoul leaving LMFAO to deal with the WWE all by themselves.  Good thing nothing ever went afoul...  One sure fact I did retain though was being an unmarried male reduces your life span on average more than even smoking.  Oh the dangers of being a nerd.  Also, why haven't General Authorities found and exploited this study?  Don't just guilt me with my single status but throw some cold hard facts at me!  Let me know that everyday in which I have not taken a girl out I may as well have smoked a pack!  (Sidenote 1: For the record I have no idea how this study was conducted and am most certainly extrapolating significantly in my analysis, TV news here I come...)  (Sidenote 2: They told us this to show how low on the list working in a nuclear facility was in terms of shortened lifespan.  It was somewhere between staring into the sun during a solar eclipse and eating black watermelon seeds.)
                Upon arriving we had to undergo further safety training.  The synopsis was... We have never had an accident.  If we were to have one it would be unprecedented so come and find us because we are ready, though we've never had an accident.  You got more radiation on the airplane ride over then you will most likely will here, but if you do have a problem or set off an alarm let us know because we are ready and have never had an accident.  But if you do set off an alarm you don't necessarily have to worry because we have sensitive alarms who will pick up less radiation than you had on the air ride over which is more than the exposure you will have here and just so you know we have never had an accident.  The training was about an hour like that.  I feel like safety training is one giant chiasmus (Yes I did have to google that to know how it was spelled).
                 The lab was superb and shiny new, supposedly the research scientists are not happy with the funds allocated to the beams itself and the builders making poor decisions/cutting corners, but the buildings and cafeteria etc. were really nice.  I think that the priorities should be the other way around, but hey, it’s better than poor instruments and poor facilities!  Everyone there was unhappy with people in management or this and that and well, that is another life truth, people will always complain.  The worst is when you start complaining about people complaining.  I'm trying not to do it right now.  It is one of those moments when you think something and realize 'Oh my gosh that is so hypocritical' only to justify the hypocrisy because you are simply noting the negative attitude of others to the point where you actually express how others are complaining at which point everyone just looks at you like 'Seriously?' and you realize that your justification was just that.  I digress, and wrote a huge run on sentence that accurately conveys how I the rush and confusion I felt the whole time the experiment was going on.  Like the sentence, I had no idea what was coming out, it made little sense, and I over studied it.  I was so exhausted by the time I was at the beam for a day, and it was not a good exhaustion.  It was so strange because even though I had done nothing (at least physically) all day I was still so tired.  I spent a lot of time just sitting around waiting for data to come in or doing my best, with my limited capabilities, to analyze it.  In the end though we got the, “Best data ever collected on that material.”
                It was a great experience, perhaps once in a lifetime, and I am very glad to have had it.  But I was also ecstatic to go home.  It has only been since February I last saw the family and December since I have been home but still, I haven’t been this excited since coming home from my mission.

                So far we have just done family things.  I’ve eaten things twice as expensive as what I would have bought.  We played a board game.  We also went to a sidewalk chalk festival.  It was neat but most of them were incomplete.  I also a nice Sunday dinner.  Not much to say but enough nonetheless.  Very simple yet the things you love.  If I had a choice between high powered neutrons and some good nuclear family one may sound more exciting but the other brings more to your life.  


Peace, love, and perhaps happiness, though you probably had more happiness on the browser leading to this page than you had in the actual blog.  But just in case happiness levels, or peace for that matter, set off an alarm be sure to let us know and we'll deal with it.  Though it has never happened before.